We spent Thanksgiving at my parent's home. All of my parents' brothers and sisters were there, along with a few of my cousins. Some of them I haven't seen in quite a while. It was good to see everyone again. It was also the first time that I've seen everyone since, well, you know. It saddened me to know that I am not related genetically to half of my family.
I did get to talk with my dad, briefly, about my conception. I asked him if we could talk more when I see him again. I'm glad it's out in the open now.
Seeing all of my family really stirred up a desire to know all of my family. I wondered how my biological father spends his holidays. I know that this time of year is difficult for people who have lost loved ones to death or who are just far away from them. Now I'm getting a taste of it from experience.
I feel very unsettled after this trip. It's easy for me to wallow in the seeming hopelessness of it all. Some moments over the last few days, I had to tell myself to keep breathing. I keep reminding myself in those times when I just want to cry that I must cast my burden on the Lord, because he cares for me. It doesn't mean that I can't cry, or be sad, or pray that somehow the Lord would allow me to know who he is.
It does mean, as Tim Tebow reminded football fans yesterday, that I must fix my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of my faith, and throw off the sin that so easily entangles me.