Sunday, November 29, 2009


We spent Thanksgiving at my parent's home.  All of my parents' brothers and sisters were there, along with a few of my cousins.  Some of them I haven't seen in quite a while.  It was good to see everyone again.  It was also the first time that I've seen everyone since, well, you know.  It saddened me to know that I am not related genetically to half of my family. 

I did get to talk with my dad, briefly, about my conception.  I asked him if we could talk more when I see him again.  I'm glad it's out in the open now.

Seeing all of my family really stirred up a desire to know all of my family.  I wondered how my biological father spends his holidays.  I know that this time of year is difficult for people who have lost loved ones to death or who are just far away from them.  Now I'm getting a taste of it from experience. 

I feel very unsettled after this trip.  It's easy for me to wallow in the seeming hopelessness of it all.  Some moments over the last few days, I had to tell myself to keep breathing.  I keep reminding myself in those times when I just want to cry that I must cast my burden on the Lord, because he cares for me.  It doesn't mean that I can't cry, or be sad, or pray that somehow the Lord would allow me to know who he is.

It does mean, as Tim Tebow reminded football fans yesterday, that I must fix my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of my faith, and throw off the sin that so easily entangles me.

1 comment:

  1. Stephanie,
    What a wonderful Thanksgiving gift you gave to your dad. I'm sure this is secret has been a great burden that has been lifted from his shoulders - to know that his sweet-cherished daughter loves him regardless of bio-genetic connection.

    As far as I understand, Jesus was the first 'artifically conceived' child person in historial record. That did not make Joseph any less his dad nor did it change their love for each other. But it goes without saying that Jesus knew who his father was and had very meaningful relationship with him. :)

    I love your perspective. Keep writing.