It's been quite a while since I've posted here...but not because I didn't want to. December is always a busy month for us, though I'm not sure why. I guess all the extra shopping and planning. All of the children have been/are sick and for the first time since I was a teenager, I've got strep throat. I've been doing as little as possible for the last two days, and I could use two more days in bed or on the couch, but that isn't going to happen!
So I've been thinking about anger and forgiveness lately. I really want to blog about it, but I'm not sure where to start. I think it's safe to say that many of us don't forgive very easily, whether it's the car that cuts you off while driving or the whole donor conceived situation. And it doesn't matter how big or small the situation is - anger can really mess us up mentally, emotionally, and even physically. As the mother of five, I'm well acquainted with the small things that cause anger. I have to forgive on a daily basis, and I'm usually asking for forgiveness on a regular basis as well.
I assume that most of you who are reading this blog are connected in some way with artificial insemination. (I'm dealing specifically with the negative side of AI - but I'm not unaware that many of us have non-biological fathers who adore their children as much as any biological father could.) For many adult children who were conceived this way, there is a lot of anger regarding this route to pregnancy, and in my mind, there are clear reasons why there is so much anger. A biological parent has sold away the gametes that make up half of a new life. There are the parents who didn't tell the child how they were conceived and so kept vital information from them. And then there is the medical community, who has banded together to keep said vital information forever locked away, or worse, destroyed. The brick walls are erected before the child is even conceived.
I felt like I was thrown into a nightmare that I couldn't wake up from. It was like one of those huge garden mazes where you can't see over the walls and every turn you take is a dead end. And there is no handy map to show you how to get out. Anger is a pretty natural response in a situation like that. Not everyone will respond in anger, but I think it's legitimate.
Even with a legitimate anger, is there a place for forgiveness? Is there a need for it? I believe that the answer to both questions is yes.
In the next post, I will try to articulate some of the things that I've been thinking about regarding forgiveness.